The Value of an Obituary

I’ve been asked to define the “value of an obituary.”

In my mind an obituary is the lasting,  printed legacy of someone.  It is the historical record that should last forever.  Telling us the name, age, location, education, employment and survivors of someone who has passed.

Some have suggested you plan ahead and write your own obituary, I think that is a great idea.  It is not narcissism, it is taking hold of your life story.  It is not morbid, we all know that’s how the story turns out.

So would you consider writing your own obituary?  Beyond the obvious use after your life, it’s a wonderful reflective process to consider where you came from and what you have accomplished in this life.  What a blessing to your family who may be at a loss for words after your passing.  Another value is accuracy, no one better than you to get the facts correct. 

A few years back, I was in a situation where I had to accompany a friend to the funeral home after his mother died expectantly.  The caring staff slipped a “form” in front of my friend whose eyes were full of tears.

“Fill this out,” they said.  He began with her name, date of death, town she lived in, etc.… then the form asked about her birth, birthplace, her parents and their birth place.  He slid the form back “I don’t know” he said.  I grabbed the clip board back toward us – wait I said let’s see what we can figure out.  I knew this information would be used in her obituary and perhaps her death certificate. 

After some research online we found some info to include.  Her birth was recorded in the California birth index (Ancestry), her graduating high school class was noted (Classmates), her marriage was posted in the newspaper (Newspapers), and her mother and father’s obituaries (state historical society) yielded much needed information.

Printed obituaries trace back to the 1700’s.  Today more than 6,000 US newspapers and many online sources post death notices.  For a fee anyone can have a descriptive obituary, right along with the obituaries of the rich and famous. 

There are many online sites with info about how to write your own obituary.  For some it’s easy to sit and tell the story or recite the facts.  It will be unique for each person.  Perhaps you should read some obits in the paper now, do some of them tug on your heart strings?  Why?

Be Pandemic Prepared

There has never been a better time to consider this project – due to the Pandemic which has recently taken so many loved ones.  An interesting obituary project related to COVID-19 is the New York Times’ “Those We’ve Lost.”  This aggressive project attempts to put names and faces to the numbers who have lost their life due to the virus.

You can find it at https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/obituaries/people-died-coronavirus-obituaries.html

A coworker once told me she got her Journalism/Marketing career started by “writing obituaries for the local paper.”  She was determined to make ‘em readable!

Really it’s our “Origin Story” – and the long or short of it is a “boy (or girl) makes good  opportunity.”  Telling the tale of a persons origins, education, education, hardships and successes and survivors.

American humorist, journalist and actor, Mo Rocca is the author of Mobituaries which is a book and a podcast https://www.mobituaries.com/the-podcast/

Now in its second season, Rocca shares  informative, and often humorous obituaries.  Rocca stated “A good obituary should be like a trailer for an Oscar-winning movie – there should be highs, lows, triumphs and tragedies.” 

If you are writing notes for your loved ones to use, perhaps you want to tell them what inspired your life?  Did you survive a catastrophe?  What words do you think describe you?  Do you have a charity or cause that is important to you?

When writing your own story be sure to include: full legal name, marriages, career, family.  Include nicknames, place of passing, place of residence, education, employment, high school, college, degrees and  survivors.

SOCIAL MEDIA

In our modern world we often learn of the passing of loved ones, friends or acquaintances through social media.  If you are writing the post of someone’s passing, I encourage you to keep in mind that family, close loved ones, friends may not know what you know.  Avoid being cryptic and confusing.  Avoid over-sharing until the family has a chance to share the information.  There is no rush, take a breath and consider your words carefully before you post.

In researching for this blog, I was surprised to learn of the multiple online obituary sites where you can post the obituary of a loved one.  Sometimes for free, sometimes for a fee.  (And of course as a researcher you can find someone you’re seeking.)  Do remember that when you type in the name of someone who has passed you might receive 28,900,000 results – so hopefully the obituary has something interesting and unique in it … so they can be found for all time into the future!

As a reminder you can learn more about a person from asking family, friends, coworkers, church pastor, volunteer groups, photo albums, scrap books, online and libraries.

Having someone else proof-read the obituary is a good idea to ensure an accurate announcement of passing and a forever record of a life.

I wouldn’t want you to end up like Mrs. Philena Walker who at her death was the oldest person who was born in town and yet they could find no more than 7 lines of text to describe her life. [Aurora of the Valley (Newbury, Vermont) 02 Jul 1870, Sat, pg 4]

Better to be like Mazie Ford, 112, with a photo and 3 full columns of life history. [Miami Herald (Miami, Florida) 09 May 2019, Thu, Page A8]

PS/ It’s a joke in my family to read the obituaries in paper “and see if I am in there.”  ‘Til then I’m available to discuss your family history questions.